The three steps out of conflict

“Wherever two or more are gathered…”

If you are familiar with scripture you probably know how that verse ends. It’s a promise that wherever two or more are gathered in His name, Jesus is right there in the middle of them.

Which is a good thing. In my own experience I would rewrite the verse as, “Wherever two or more are gathered, there will be a mess.” It seems to me that whenever two or more people get together things get messy.

Admit it. You’ve seen the same thing I have. Get more than one person in a room, on a team, in a marriage, in a church, on a staff, in traffic, or anywhere else and there will be conflict. And while we should always “pursue peace with all,” we know conflict will happen. The mature thing is to know how to find unity in the midst of conflict.

When (not “if”) you find yourself in conflict with someone else, here are 3 steps out of it: (there are most certainly more steps but these will be enough to get started)

1. Take the offense. I didn’t say, “Be offensive!” I said take the offense. In other words, get around in front of it as soon as you can. Don’t allow the situation to fester. If you are as non-confrontive as me, you’ll be strongly tempted to sit and wait for the situation to resolve itself. Word to the wise…it won’t resolve itself. It will always come back to you later and greater. The conflict you leave until tomorrow will grow and fester and be worse than ever. As soon as you are aware of the conflict take immediate action. Resist the temptation to do nothing. So…what action should you take?
2. Go to the source. Don’t go to your friends. Don’t go to their friends. Don’t shop your situation around looking for support. This isn’t Congress and you’re not a politician. Go straight to the source of the conflict. Personally, I get light-headed just thinking about it. My tendency would be to talk to everyone else except the person I’m in conflict with and chances are you’re the same way. That would be a significant step if this post was entitled, “Continuing Conflict,” but it’s not a step towards resolving conflict. Do the mature thing. Go to the source of the conflict and go with the aim to resolve the conflict, not to prove you were right. Big difference. Are you committed to resolution or being right? It’s more important to be in unity than it is to be right. Let it go.
3. Go in person. Coming together in unity is too important to leave to an email or a text. You need to man up and go in person or at least phone if you’re unable to meet face to face. An email or a text cannot communicate body language, tone of voice, or emotion. Don’t take the chance that you’re best effort at resolution can be misinterpreted just because you chose the wrong words.
4. Okay, I know I said three but I thought of another. Go in low. I’ve never been disappointed when I’ve chosen to humble myself. James says that God gives grace to the humble but stands opposed to the proud. If I want His grace on the situation (and I most certainly do) I need to humble myself. Go in low.

Jesus said that the world would know we follow Him because of the love we have for each other. When we are committed to resolving the conflict (that will most definitely occur) we show the world we belong to Him.